Just so you know

Considering what I once heard LJ mention, and now this anonymous blogger comment, I feel I need to explain myself a little bit.

Although I have said, many times, that I want to hurt this boy that LJ is now dating...the truth is I never would. I can't bring myself to hurt another person, for one thing. For another, I care a lot about LJ. And she has somehow decided she cares for this boy. That alone prevents me from ever laying a hand on him, because I don't want to hurt her by beating him up.

I am just hurt and upset, and I am speaking without thinking. We have all been there at one point in our lives, I'm sure. I think you know exactly what it's like to be too angry to not say such things. It doesn't help that she let him goad me on and talk about eating her pussy to make her squirm all over the bed and insult me repeatedly. Yes, the part about him eating her out is an almost direct quote. If you want the direct quote, I can go grab it for you. I don't know what sort of legal ramifications goading people on in the hopes of being threatened happen to be, but I can promise you he was talking shit to me before I was talking shit to him, and I have the archives to prove it.

Just because I have expressed desire to hurt this guy, doesn't mean I'll actually carry out such wishes. I may despise Dustin, but I am going there to be a friend to LJ, not to be an enemy to Dustin, if that makes any sense to you. I am going there to see her face. To hear her speak. Hopefully to hug her. I wish I could kiss her, but I know she won't go for it, and so I won't even try. I also need to show her who I am. I need to show her that I am a good person, and that I will try my best to be a good loyal friend to her, even if this guy is exactly where I want to be.

You don't need to get the cops involved, unless you believe that he will attack me first. If I am able to claim self-defense, your situation will turn out bad for you, and not for me. So don't get the cops involved unless you're afraid for my safety. Because I will not be throwing the first punch. In fact, I won't throw any punches. If he attacks me and I don't respond, I can get him sent to juvi for assault. So look at it from that angle.

In the end, I just want to see somebody I care about with all my heart and soul. And, more than anything, I need this chance to see the truth, and give her a chance to see the truth in my heart.

I meant what I said in the response to your comments in the last post: call me, and let's talk about this like adults. I would have called you a long time ago, in fact, if I hadn't lost your number. Give me a chance to explain myself, and what I hope to accomplish, and let me show you that there is nothing to be afraid of.

Correction: I have since found the number again, after much effort, and even called...but I still would like to talk more about this. I just want my side to be understood for once...because I am not a bad guy, and I would never ever do anything to hurt LJ. She means more to me than my own life. I would sooner kill myself than lay a hand on her. I am just hoping to get some closure and peace of mind, without any trouble. Is that so hard to ask? She has already expressed that she is willing to be my friend and talk to me about things...so let her make this decision. She is a grown woman now, even if mostly naive. I just need to see her one last time, before I can move on.