Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

Well, I suppose I may as well post some things, and try to push back the memories of depression. Though they ever haunt me, it shames me to see how far the depression can sometimes take me, and it's not something I want to be known for.

However, I will say this. To those of you who see that I am so stricken with inner turmoil and troubled brooding, or are told that this is going on by those more perceptive at least... I often feel as though my heart is torn in twain. When you read those tales of high fantasy, where the hero must be given the choice between something wrong (but with gain) and something right, they make it out to be a tough choice.
I, however, look at such choices with envy, for those are the easy ones. When you choose between something obviously wrong and obviously right, no matter what you would gain from either choice, the choice should be fairly obvious, whether you wish to take the right path or the wrong.
Furthermore, I am no hero. Just an ordinary, boring young man, who seems to have made many poor life choices. Hence why I am hesitant to make yet more choices that would alter my life too drastically.

Such choices are never the ones you must make in the real world however. Often you must choose between two, sometimes even more, paths that are both right and both wrong, for very different reasons down each path. What do you do, when you are presented with two choices, both rife with hardship but both ending in a path of contented happiness, at least as far as humanity's limited ability to foresee the future can reveal?
You deliberate. Some more than others. And eventually choose one path. But you will always wonder what the other path held, and will always regret not knowing. Not that you regret choosing the path you did. But truly, in life, you regret the things you did not do. Such is the curse of all humanity.

Suffice to say, though the paths change with time and strife, they are still presented to me as clear as ever before. The people involved, though pain has been caused on all sides, (except for this one newly revealed path that has yet to stand the test of time and thus no chance to cause true pain), still hold a place in my heart. I want to add "some more than others" but I no longer trust myself to make such a judgment. My heart is hiding feelings even from myself. Or perhaps there is no difference in feeling and am merely hoping to fool myself, though I cannot explain feelings for any of the people involved.
Such are the workings of the heart. Those we hold close, we not why we do so. We just do. Because it feels right.

Many people give me sound and wise advice on the choices I "must" make, or the choice that is the right choice to make. However, even amongst this advice, there is no strong pull down one particular path. Perhaps it is merely that everybody is lacking one perspective or another, for none know the full story in truth. Even I do not know the full story in truth, but I am in a position lately where I feel as though I know more than the others involved. Perhaps I am just talented in getting information from people, when the need arises. High charisma? I wish.

I don't wish to be told which choice to make either, for is it really my choice then? No matter what happens, this is a choice I must decide before too long...or else certain paths will erase themselves altogether and the choice will have been made for me, due to inaction and deliberation. I could choose the easy path, the one most natural, and simply be satisfied with that.

I will never truly be satisfied, however, at having never taken risks and never chosen the tougher road, or the longer road. When I play video games, where there are multiple paths to reach the same end, I often backtrack and go through the other paths, clearing the entire area, before I continue as I should. You cannot do that in life. You cannot turn around on the path of life and "try out" one aspect of your life beforehand. Just has life has no reset button, you are not able to explore the landscape that is presented to you as your life journey.

But enough of this babble. You do not wish to hear the pining of a damaged heart yet to choose its' path.

To events of true import, I have acquired a job. "Finally!" I'm sure you're thinking, if not actually saying aloud. Yes, I see you there.
To put it bluntly, I am now a "text agent" working for a company called kgb. They used to be INFONXX. In Europe, they are simply known as 118.

As far as I have been able to make out in the past week, they are a company that answers questions. Any question. Call them up and ask them for information, and they must answer. Of course, there are things they cannot or will not answer. They must maintain a professional business demeanor.

It seems they are currently trying to launch a text version of this, where you simply text in the question to their service and you get a response. It need not necessarily be a question, but simply a request for information, such as movie times or when a train runs, or even a dictionary definition.

I find that this particular position suits me well, not just because of my previous position working for Blizzard up in Austin, but also because there is no real conversation with these people. If you reply to the answer you receive with a second question, it is sent to a completely different, completely random person. This is even less face-to-face than I was getting at Blizzard!

Okay, truly, I miss working for Blizzard and the work I did there. While I hate phone conversations and I hate discussing serious matters in general, doing it through a text conversation is something I've become quite natural at. Working at Blizzard only honed such talents.

This shall have to do for now, and perhaps I can see what possibilities arise further down the road. For now I will settle for making $7.25 an hour at this simple job, which is rather unrefined still as it is a new product for them. My primary goal is to acquire my own housing, my own apartment, though I would not mind sharing it with one or two close people I am comfortable with.

There are other goals I have in mind beyond that, things I wish to attempt which may prove impossible due to mistakes I have made in the past year or past three years, but I will not know how impossible they are until I make the attempt.

I shall not bore you with the details. I have rambled on enough, and I'm sure your curiosity is sated. Peace.

And randomly, I shall include a poem which fits well with the thoughts currently tumbling about in my mind:

Robert Frost: The Road Not Taken (1915)
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.