Desiderata

Before I get on to the main content of this note...I would like to point out, to those who do not know, that a desiderata is something that is considered highly necessary or desirable. Anyways...

I've posted this before in my Misc. Writings blog...which I haven't updated in probably a year (since it seems I lack not only motivation in life, but inspiration in my art)...but I think everybody needs to be reminded of this. This is also for those who have never read this.
I try my best to follow this desiderata in my life, and have been for probably all of my life, as far back as I remember. I originally saw this as a poster in the classroom of a really fucking awesome calculus teacher back in my junior year of high school, and I one day decided to write it down in my little notepad. I've always kept this in a .doc on my computer since then, and it's something I hope to always keep with me. I'm not sure why I follow this, or why I strive to do so, but...well, I guess it just feels right to me.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble: it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you may conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

When I was watching the second Lord of the Rings movie, one scene forever struck me so profoundly that I just had to write down the dialogue for future reference. I actually keep it in the same .doc file as the above Desiderata, so I feel I may as well quote this scene, as well, as they both address similar topics. I think this is in the second to last scene of the movie, as apparently I have documented in the .doc file.

Frodo: I can’t do this, Sam.
Sam: I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn’t wan’t to know the end, because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chance of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding on to, Sam?
Sam: That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.

A lot of people, including Kitiy, my love, have problems with life...and often wonder what the point of it all is. I know a lot of people who look forward to the end, because they just can't imagine life ever being good in any way. I have never been so depressed as to lose my will to live, my will to keep going...as bad as my depression has gotten before, I have never completely given up. And...whenever I hear about people's problems in life...whenever they seem miserable...whenever I hear people say that there's nothing good about life, that there's no point to living...I just want to tell them to never give up, to keep on going. I just wish it was easier to say encouraging words to people like this. I just...I dunno, I can't help but feel that they need somebody to be there...even if all I would do is listen to whatever they feel like talking about.

New Box, Thoughts on the Future

Okay...for the most part my new laptop is set up. There are one or two things that need to be done, which I've not figured out how to do just yet, and there may be one or two things I haven't thought about yet, but it's pretty much ready for usage. Hence why I'm Blurbing on it.

Anyways, Wednesday was...hmm...how to say...blah. I went to classes as usual, then spent hours in the basement, as I usually do on Wednesdays. I didn't even use my laptop all that much. I did a bit, but mostly didn't.

It's mostly because I haven't been able to get City of Heroes to work on my laptop yet. There's some kind of driver issue, I'm sure, involving OpenGL that doesn't allow CoH to run. It runs everything else just fine so far at least. So I can still play DotA and such with the clan. Except for that driver problem, I'm loving the new laptop. It works swell with none of the crap that my old laptop had. Sometimes a program that I run will disable the desktop composition, because it's apparently not friendly with it, but it's not too big of a deal. Like Trillian. More of a reason for me to be excited about Trillian Astra now, since Astra will be completely compatible with Vista.

Anyways, I had a test in EDP 310 right before the officer meeting on Wednesday. It was bothersome, most especially because I don't like the class at all. I'm pretty sure I aced the test this time, even though I've never done the assignments, never studies, and never even had the course material. We'll see, but...I walked out feeling like I only messed up on one problem.

After the officer meeting, I did what I usually do: go hang out at Keith's place for the night and the next day. So, yeah, now you know what I did for all of Thursday. I ended up going to sleep at 6am on their couch and waking up some time after noon, when Keith & Brett were coming home from Taco Bell (they also woke up Aria).

Why did I stay up so late? Aria and I were trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with my drivers that I can't run City of Heroes. Aria is pretty damn good at fixing up computers, especially Vista problems, in my experience, so if he's having problems (and everybody else who runs City of Heroes with my particular graphics card) then it's a pretty big problem, in my honest opinion. I'm sure the driver to fix this is out their somewhere, but it's apparently a bitch to find. Hopefully we can solve this, or else I don't know how the hell I'll play City of Heroes anymore. :(

I spent all of Thursday playing other games though. I played Star Fox 64 on Aria's Wii. Ah...the memories...and the high scores. Okay, so nobody else has played it yet, but on my second run through I was already able to go through the hardest route to Venom and I was always beating my own high score. I was attempting to beat the game without losing Slippy, Peppy, or Falco at all the whole game, and almost succeeded. I got to the point of facing the true Andross, but I'd run out of extra lives (from retrying the final battle against Star Wolf....they kept dying before I could take down even one guy) and was below half hp, so I didn't stand a chance in hell. Sure, I was able to beat the true Andross with both wings at full damage and only a sliver of hp left, but that was a very lucky happening.
I also got a copy of Diablo 2: LoD from Aria, who had torrented it, and so him, me, Brett, and Keith all played together for several hours, (once or twice stopping for a trip to Taco Bell for some tasty burrito goodness). Unfortunately, I have classes today, so I chose to head home a couple hours ago. I also had to make sure Fiona is okay, see if I have any packages, transfer a couple more files from my old laptop, etc.

I'll probably head right back to their place after CS315 today and spend all of Saturday, maybe even Sunday (probably once again angering my parents on the topic of not working since I'll once again not referee soccer games), over there. I don't think Kitiy would be very happy about that, either, though for different reasons. :(

I'm starting to wonder if it will be possible to say...disown my family or something and go it on my own from here on out. I really don't want to...but at the same time, I will do anything I can to not have to live with my family ever again. I like having their support, (when they're being supportive rather than critical of my actions), I really do, but I just cannot stand living with them. If I have to, I'll go ahead and move into Brett's and Keith's apartment after this lease is over, since one of their other room mates are moving out, and spend a year just working a boring hourly wage job. If I really do end up dropping out of UT, I will definitely need some time to think my life over and try to pick up the pieces, because something is obviously wrong. I might end up just going to Austin Community College or something. I just honestly don't want to leave Austin. I'm finally getting used to this city, and though I will never be as crazy or weird as other Austinites, and probably never go out for a night on Sixth Street, I love this city. Not to mention, so many computer companies are based here in Austin, including Dell and Retro Studios (these guys make Metroid Prime! I even know somebody who works there!), among countless other small and big companies.

I want to stay at UT, but I'm not sure if it's possible anymore. I can still hang out with the ACM I'm sure, I just won't be an official member or officer. At least, I hope that's the case. I really like the organization and love hanging out with all the people I've met through it. Hell, I met Aria, Brett, and Keith through it. And...sort of Rohit, as well. And the campus....I've just gotten so used to it. It feels like home to me. Hell, I even know what it would take to literally live on campus and how to go about it. Not that I'd ever do it of course.

Well...seeing as I woke up in the afternoon Thursday, and I don't feel tired right now, I'm going to stay up all night once more. Or, at least, attempt to. I'll probably regret it by the time I actually get to my first class, but oh well. That's life...and insomnia. I think I'll pass the time by playing Diablo 2. Or maybe NOTD: AM on WC3. Or maybe Defcon (which I've not played in ages). Or maybe FFVII.

So many games to play, so little time...

New Box

Well, okay, time to catch up on the past couple of days, I suppose...but nothing of interest has really happened.use

Let's see...the weekend happened...basically, I spent the whole weekend playing video games.

Well...not completely. Apparently Kitiy got to spend the weekend at her mother's house, so she was online all weekend. I ended up spending all of Sunday chatting with her.
My parents are now a tad irate for the fact that I haven't been going out to ref soccer games every Sunday. You would think it would be easy enough to explain to them that my life isn't exactly all in one piece right now, but apparently it's not.
My dad went so far as to theorize that the ACM is preventing me from graduating high school and that I need to leave it so I can go spend all of my free time making money. I'm starting to think money is all that's ever on their minds.

Anyways...Monday went rather normal. I went to my classes and then I spent some hours in the basement playing CoH. I switched over to DotA at some point. The only thing that really is on my mind about Monday is Tim. He is really starting to get on my nerves. Whenever I go into the basement and play games on my laptop he stops whatever he's doing, sits down beside me, leans in as close as he possibly can, and stares at my screen like a zombie. To make things worse, he even smells like a zombie. Seriously, he gives off a distinct stench that everybody comments on when they first encounter this horrendous being. No wonder we don't play DotA in the Taylor basement anymore.

Let's see then...Tuesday (which, once again, was actually yesterday since it seems to be past midnight now), it rained ALL day. It only let up in the past couple of hours, but somewhere around 7pm it was coming down hard enough that I'm glad I didn't need to go anywhere but a 2pm discussion section today.
It was good to have some rain though. The less amount of time I spend in oppressive Texas heat, the better.

In good news, and I suppose big news, I now have a new laptop! It arrived today, finally. It's a Dell Inspiron E1705 (I think that's the number). Specs: 17" widescreen, Intel Core Duo 1.73 GHz, NVIDIA GeForce Go 7900 GS (which is really sweet, as well as overkill, for a laptop), 1GB of RAM (I SWEAR I ordered 2GB, but the list in my e-mail says 1GB...I should be fine, but it still bugs me), 160GB HDD. Oh, and it runs Vista Home Premium. New OS to play with...how fun.
It cost me $1.6k. I think it was worth it. I mean, I could've gone with an Intel Core 2 Duo instead, for several hundred dollars more, but I don't think I'll be needing something THAT powerful now. We'll see, of course, but it's not like I am in need of a gaming machine so powerful that I make even the pros drop their jaws.

Anyways. I'm going to staying up all night tonight setting up my new box just the way I like it. Most of that time will be spent transferring files. It's apparently going to take 4 hours just to transfer my 15.7 GB of music. Which, actually, isn't totally accurate, because I've recently downloaded more stuff I haven't organized into my primary music folder. Regardless, I have much to do. It should be done by daylight, though, I do hope.
I happen to be doing laundry at the same time. I've come to the realization that I'm running low on quarters. Shit.

Anyways. Off I go to do stuff.

BIg Event & Big Nap

Well, it seems I passed out before I could type up the Friday Blurb. It's all because I only slept two hours...Friday morning. I went to bed at 8am and woke up at 10am. So, yeah...by the time it came to my mind to type up the Blurb, I was passing out on Brett's couch.

Okay, so. I went to classes yesterday, same as usual. Then afterwards I sat in the basement playing CoH while I waited for Big Event to start. Then I went on over to Eastwoods Park and socialized with peoples.

It was...kinda fun. I mean, I never really have that much fun at outdoorsy things, especially since it was really fucking humid outside, plus sunlight, with no real wind. Which is weird, cause it was all cloudy and windy this morning, and somewhat chilly even. I still can't see how normal people say that bright and sunny days are beautiful. I just want to respond "Fuck you, I'm burning up and sweating just from standing here under these painful ultraviolet rays."

Yeah, I know, I'm a hermit. I don't like sunlight period, never have, never will. It's not so much that I want everything in darkness, though that would be nice. I just much prefer cloudy days, even rainy days, over these bright and sunny summer days.

Anyways. I was getting a tad bored at Big Event, to be perfectly honest. I mean, I talked with a bunch of random people, including some professors. I didn't want to leave before it ended, but...I just wasn't having too much fun. I just kept thinking about DotA or CoH. I guess that means I really am addicted, eh?

Anyways, I waited for the food to arrive at least. It was Rudy's BBQ. As if my digestive system isn't badly hurt enough. After that, though, Scott had decided he wanted to leave as well. I figured to leave as well. That's typically all I need to be convinced to do something.

So I rode the bus with Scott on over to Brett's place. I seem to be coming here a lot lately, as messy a place as it is. Scott immediately crashed on the floor, cause apparently he'd not slept at all the night before. So I decided to occupy my mind by watching South Park episodes. Brett eventually decided he was hungry and wanted Taco Bell, so he and I walked down to it at 10pm at night for food. He ate a LOT of burritos. He ordered five, and ate four of them. He saved the other one for later, which was only 4 hours later.

After that, I think we managed to get Scott to wake up, so we all played City of Villains to like...5 in the morning. Then I just had to crash on the couch, using my jacket to cover my bare feet. I originally tried using it as a pillow, but I don't really need pillows too bad...and cold feet were more important. When I woke up I found a blanket on me. I'm guessing Brett tossed it over me. Couldn't have been Scott, he probably passed out again after me, and Keith was locked up in his room. Never knew he was such a nice guy as to cover a friend with a blanket while they sleep.

So now...I'm the only one awake, at one in the afternoon...interesting. No, wait. Keith just woke up. Oh. And I just heard Brett laughing from his room. I think that was him at least.
The one thing worse than being alone is the illusion of being alone...because if you discover afterwards that you really weren't, then you also end up feeling retarded.

Day Off from Normality, Time to be a Hero

Well, no Thursday Blurb, unless you count the one I did at 1am for Wednesday, simply because I literally was not home at all Thursday. After the officer meeting Wednesday, like I said in the last Blurb, I went over to Blaze's place with Aria.

I think I stayed up...um...okay, honestly, I have no fucking clue as to when I went to sleep Thursday morning, but that's when it happened. Don't worry, the sun hadn't risen yet, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I'm also pretty sure I woke up before noon. Barely.
So I probably went to sleep at about 4am. Possibly 5.

Regardless, I then spent the rest of the day, at their apartment, playing City of Heroes. Well...I did get onto Battle.net and played a new AoS map at one point, (which seems fun but would take a lot of getting used to), but then I switched back to CoH because I realized I just wasn't in the mood for WC3. Most of my time in CoH was spent not gaining experience at all because I did a Task Force, and it required a full team of heroes, so it took forever to even organize. Then we failed and somebody decided to go get his higher level hero to stealth through the mission and then teleport us to where each hero needed to be (we had to activate 8 obelisks simultaneously). We then died to the group of villains at the end, but then the higher level guy stealthed off to finish the mission for us. I got a free badge for it, so I'm not complaining.

Aria started playing CoH at some point...so I joined his lower level team (I apparently have been playing a tad more than him, so....yeah). I didn't get much xp from this, but I apparently got a large handful of badges suddenly, which was cool. My last mission gave me plenty of xp though, which was great.

Then I went home. Well....not directly. Aria and I decided we were hungry, so we went off to Whataburger, and he wanted to stop by Wal-mart for some snacks. I got home after midnight.

So...if you actually read through that, I'm sure you honestly didn't care about most of it, since it involved me gaming. But that was my Thursday. It wasn't bad. It was a tad dull, but it is nice to get a pseudo day off (I say pseudo because I'm technically skipping classes...smart thing to do, huh?) where I could just chill with friends and talk about all sorts of random shit. Like relationship issues...robots...student organization politics...how people should stop thinking food is why they're fat...and stop looking to diets...keyboards made back in 1981...our professors...you know, chit chat like that for no fucking reason other than that you feel like talking about it and you have nothing else to do at the time. I think I forgot the conversations mostly, though. It's still good. Some sort of professional in some sort of field involving social activity or something would probably say it's good for bonding with friends. Possibly.

Oh, wait, one other thing. My laptop actually shipped today. It's supposed to arrive, I think, between the 17th and 19th. Yay. Now I can play games like Supreme Commander and waste MORE of my life....without my computer threatening to explode for no reason at all. Well...not now. In a week. But you get the idea.

And Kitiy hasn't called me recently. I worry. It may be unfounded worry, but hey she's a person I care about very much, and somebody that cheers me up. I kinda can't...not worry...yeah, double negative, I honestly don't want to bother fixing it.

Anyways. For everybody at UT, the ACM is hosting Big Event later today (check the web site at utacm.org if you actually feel like going), so if you have nothing better to do, or actually feel interested in hanging out with us, feel free to come by.

Have a lucky Friday the 13th! :D

By the way: I didn't sleep last night. Bad habit, I know...but I felt like it. It happens sometimes.

Sleepy Day

Well, I went off to my classes today (err...it's 1:41am it seems, so I guess it was really yesterday) running entirely on caffeine. Nothing I haven't done before, but it was still bothersome. In fact, I made sure to stop by the JCM and grab some Bawls for an extra-powerful kick.

I kept dozing off in my noon class. I tried to focus, but the material in that course is never interesting, period. Fortunately, I don't think I dozed for longer than 5 seconds at a time before I realized what had happened and force myself awake.
CS315, for some reason, I had no problem focusing. Not sure why. Then I went down into the basement and played a little of DotA.
I went to eat dinner before the usual ACM officer meeting....blah blah...boring day running on caffeine.

Only real interesting thing that happened was the UT ACM officer elections. So, yeah, we voted for next years SOs and everything. It took 90 minutes for all the candidates to go up and talk about why we should vote for them. Took waaaaay too fucking long, in my honest opinion.

Afterwards, seeing as...today..(staying up past midnight is clearly mentally damaging) is not a day where I really deal with my classes, I chose to go hang out and Blaze's place. Not really sure why, it seemed like a good idea at the time. I probably should have gone right on to my own home, to my cat and comfy bed to get some peaceful sleep. Like I said, I'm running on caffeine, which has probably long ago worn off, so I guess I wasn't completely thinking.

Yeah, I'm a moron.

Angels

Ah, right, it seems I didn't Blurb for yesterday. There's a reason for that you see. I went grocery shopping like...20 minutes to midnight and when I came back home it was Wednesday. Then I spent the next 9 hours playing video games (First DotA, then switching to CoH when all the normal people went to sleep).

Anyways, my day yesterday was nothing special really. I got up like...at noon and went off to my Cs315 discussion as usual, we talked about code stuff, took a quiz, moved on, yada yada. I went right home and ploppeded down in front of my laptop. I proceeded to play CoH, because it's what I felt like at the time, and I had an awesome time playing through a super tough mission that was very rewarding. It almost gave me a full level by itself.

Anyways, after I was satisfied with my CoH experience for the night, and had a pleasant phone conversation with Kitiy, Will and I went grocery shopping. Apparently we haven't gone for precisely 20 days. That's a long time to go without fresh groceries.

Anyways...I came back played more games, yada yada...

When I logged into CoH again, I grouped with only three other people (max size of a party is eight, so...it was rather small, only half, and no melee fighters in it actually) and we went through some easy missions. Turns out nobody was a healer, so it was actually somewhat challenging, and in fact fun to go through. I was trying to get Aria to join us, but he had a paper to write and an 8am class, so it was a no go. :(
Ah well.

At one point, one person left, and I then realized it was just me and two girls. I just thought it was amusing at the time. I believe at one point, when I'd gone ahead of them and attacked a group of villains, they caught up and said something the lines of "Your angels are here."
I assume she meant a Charlie's Angels reference. While I did indeed have to laugh at it, I kept thinking "Hmm, we're one short for that to be quite right."
I never got to fix that, though amusing it would've been. Heh. Redax' Angels. Drake's Angels even. It's amusing I think. Eventually one had to go to work or something, so the trio was broken up, but it was certainly a lot of fun. Even if I didn't get a ton of xp from it.

So yay, I've gone and made two more random friends on CoH, even though it only means I'll have people I know of a similar level to go do missions with. I'll probably still have to shout out to everyone that i'm lookin for a team though.

My character is actually progressing rather nicely...being that he's a blaster (think of him as a mage, I guess, casting powerful ranged lightning spells or something) he is gaining power at an increasing rate. I love watching how much damage he can do and how it goes up and up. Now if I can just solve his endurance problem, missions will be cakewalks. Assuming they're in a decent level range of me, naturally.

I still wish Kitiy could play with me. It would be rather fun, I think, whether in CoH or CoV. I could see her as a fire blaster hero, or a mastermind villain with ninja minions to command. It's not really possible anymore, though, since her internet time is heavily limited as of late. :(

Oh, and yes, I stayed up all night. Many thanks to Monster for creating the XXL Monster. 24 fl oz of energy drink....ah...I'm gonna die of a liver disease someday... XD

Still

Well, today was...just outright not cool. Well, okay, there's sorta...one cool thing. But I'll get to that I guess.

I went to my classes as usual...same old boring shit...I'm honestly not sure I learned anything today, actually. After classes...apparently Ellipsis decided to go right home after classes, Aria had some kind of appointment...and Blaze was going to go home as well. I was bored and had an exam at 7pm that night...so I didn't really want to go home.

Now, you should take note: the class that this exam is for, I haven't been to for months now, and haven't attempted to do my own studying or doing the assignments for. So I'm all day questioning myself as to whether or not I should even bother taking the exam, since I'm guaranteed to fail.

Okay, so at this point I'm trying to decide...spend hours in the basement, probably playing City of Heroes.....or I can go home with Blaze and hang out at his place for some hours. The latter option is obviously much more appealing, so I went with it.

We were just playing DotA 1v1 for a bit...then Aria shows up after his appointment and joins us. We also took some time for me to ask Aria what he thinks about my plans for buying a laptop. He pretty much confirmed what I was going to do anyways. And so now I've ordered my new laptop, keeping in mind that the laptop I'm on right now is falling apart faster by the day. (Yes, my new laptop happens to be the one cool thing about today...though I get the feeling my parents will feel otherwise when they discover this particular expenditure)

So...I take the bus back to campus for this exam...the basic logic is that going and answering what I can would be better than not going and getting a zero for not showing. Guess what happened anyways?
I practically turned in a blank exam. I answered like...one or two small things, guessed blindly at one or two others, knowing the answer was wrong...I get the feeling I'll get less than 10 points. I shouldn't have even bothered going. Not only have I confirmed how little I know in a class that I'm taking for the third time, but now I've gone and depressed myself...

I really do hate myself right now...because I honestly don't want to go back home, live with my folks, and attend UTSA...

So Much for Easter...

Well....today was not much different from yesterday. This was indeed quite a dull weekend.

I spent the entire day, which started somewhere around noon for me, playing City of Heroes. It wasn't all that exciting, but it occupied my time. It's better than sleeping all day.

Though...really...I probably should've attempted to study for the CS310 test tomorrow...even if I haven't been to that particular class in months. It's times like these I feel especially dense. And it's times like these that I wish I could find out what is so wrong with me.

Oh. I haven't gone shopping lately either, and I need to. Gotta remember to remind Will of that tomorrow, and hopefully we'll both be awake and free at some time. After all, I can't live off Domino's pizza, as delicious as it is (yum...pepperoni, ham, sausage, bacon, beef, and chicken with extra cheese on top! My own version of the Meatlover's Pizza). Macaroni and cheese isn't all that appealing when you eat it day after day, either.

So ends my Easter weekend. It's a shame how much I used to enjoy this holiday as a kid. Hunting for eggs filled with candy and whatnot. Going to fancy picnics and such. Sigh. Holidays just aren't as fun as they used to be.

Typical Lazy Saturday

Well....here's the 2nd of my Blurbs for the day. Yes, I shall be attempting to do twice each day...

Today was rather dull. It rained, which I liked, but it pretty much made the perfect atmosphere for a boring weekend. I slept in to like...what...1pm? Once Kitiy left for her dad's sometime shortly after my last post, I was feeling too depressed to really do anything...I eventually decided to shower, order some pizza, and play some FFVII. Which really isn't a bad way to spend a Saturday.

Can you believe I still haven't beat that game? I was originally going to play through more of .hack//, since I haven't played through all four discs of that yet, then I realized I was kinda bored with it...and that I still have like 6 other games on my "Games To Do " list. (No, I don't really have a list like that, I just sorta keep a mental note of games I haven't played through)

I think my old PSX memory card is corrupted or something. It seems when I save my FFVII game, it doesn't save properly or something. Like...I don't get any error messages, but the next time I go to save, either the bar for my save slot is completely white, the save isn't there, or it has reverted to an older save. I'm honestly not sure what's going on with it.
I've had the memory card forever, so it's probably corrupted or something. Which saddens me, because it can hold a lot of game saves if it needs to. It's one of those special ones with lots of extra space above and beyond the call of duty.

I played a bit of DotA....and although I did play in some fun pubbies, nothing really totally exciting happened. I just finished this one that took 80 minutes, and Rhainur was having fun getting 7k hp with Pudge...and I built my complete Raigor item build, and then some...but it took too long, and was rather dull in the end. So now, out of boredom and an intense repulsion to the idea of sleep, I go off to play through more of FFVII. And possibly nuke some leftover pizza.

It's days like this that make me especially not want to get out of bed and go out to live my life. Because, in the end, this is why people work...so they can have days off like this. Why do we work towards the ability of having a boring day? We humans are so awkward...I think, though we are loathe to admit it, we really only work because we need to do something....anything...else we may simply die of boredom.

Seperation

So....I'm going to try and start writing my blurbs more often...I promised somebody important that I would.

So, at the moment of writing this blurb, Kitiy is going to have to move in with her dad and step-mom. This wouldn't be too bad of a thing...if it weren't for the fact that her computer over there doesn't work all that well...and apparently they've had problems in trying to set up the network. So...her computer doesn't have internet. Her dad's does, apparently, but....it wouldn't be the same.
This is all because her mom apparently can't afford to support her anymore....her boss is being an ass and firing off the employees who've been there forever or something.

I won't go into all the details about it, I guess....suffice it to say, she's downright miserable, and there's nothing I can really do about it. And it's not a fun feeling. I have plans in my head...of something I can....will do...they're just not complete yet.

Anyways....my own life isn't doing all too awesome. This semester...I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep up with the contract I signed even. I'm not sure if I can even make 6 hours of B...
Stupid, I know...but I just let time slip through my fingers while I didn't work on assignments...didn't go to classes...and next thing I know, the semester's almost over. I still don't know what's wrong with me.
I HAVE improved over this semester. While I'm not attending every class and doing all my work, I've made an effort to go to two of my classes. I attend the lectures, and I do the work...I just don't think I've put in enough effort to satisfy the university. These things take time, but...it seems time is something I don't have anymore.

And it makes me sad....because now that I'm improving....I just wish there was some solution right in front of me that would satisfy all parties. Maybe I could withdraw from the university for the rest of this semester, or something...but I'm not sure of the details of that.
I want to go to college, I want to learn about computer science and get a degree in it...I really do...and I want to do it here at UT Austin. I like it here, and I've met a lot of great people. Not to mention, my best friends also go here. Even if I've sort of fallen away from some of them.

...I'm sure you all think I'm so foolish, reading this. "Why didn't you just go to your classes and do the work?" It's not so easy as you might think, when you feel the way I do.

I guess...there's lots of other things I could blurb about, but I'm having trouble getting my mind off this particular topic. So...I'll blurb more later or something.