Dammit. No matter how much I say I'm not worried about it. No matter how much I say I'm not in a hurry about it. It still comes down to me being a lonely bachelor. I'm sick of these random bouts of "I need a girl" depression. One day, I'm feeling fine, not at all worried about getting a girlfriend or even just getting a date. Then the next day, I wake up and my first thoughts are all depressed like, causing me to just huddle under the covers, wishing I could just go back to sleep.
Yeah, sure...it would be absolutely wonderful if that special someone would just fall down on top of me while I was walking down the sidewalk, but it's not like I'm out there hunting for her. Ya know? It'll happen when it happens.
Doesn't make it any easier when these feelings come out of nowhere, though.
5/28/2006
5/21/2006
Give me a break...
You know, I typically proudly admit to people that I'm a lazy bastard who pretty much prefers to do nothing if at all possible. But lately, I'm sick of people thinking I really am so lazy that I just sit around playing video games all day.
My parents, who work all day long and then come home late in the afternoon, are under that impression. Especially my dad, who seems to expect me to have a job just by giving me a really mean look and saying "Get a job!" He thinks I sit in my room all day playing video games. You know, that's only partly true. I do spend a good portion of the day playing video games, specifically Kingdom Hearts 2, but I am looking for a job with great effort. It's not like I can go over to Wal-mart and stand in a line where they hand out jobs like turkey sandwiches. I've applied, now I need to wait for them to call me. When I applied to Barnes & Noble, the lady at the counter says that the manager keeps them "on file" for several months and looks through them when there's a position to fill. That's the way it works at most of the companies that hire high school and college students for temporary jobs.
I am trying, dammit. Just because I'm playing video games when you get home doesn't mean I've been there all day, not doing anything that you would call "productive." You just happen to come home at the time of day that I feel like relaxing.
It's not like I have so many places to apply to that I can actually spend every hour of the day looking for work. Okay, yeah, there are also about a million scholarships I can apply for, but even then, there's only so much to do.
And perhaps I should mention that it's actually harder to do work when you're breathing down my neck like that. Why do you think I hide in my room all day when you're home? It's like the moment I walk into your range of vision, you start yelling at me or lecturing me or telling me to do something before you kick me out. There's always something you're not happy with. Give me a break, I am trying as hard as I can. -_-
You know, I'm starting to think I would've been much better off if I'd moved into an apartment up in Austin for the summer and worked my butt off up there, instead. Because then the only way I get lectured is through e-mail. It's too bad I don't have the money to do that. -_-
And to top it all off, he has, of course, been bugging me to get a haircut again. Ever since I got here. I decided today, "Fine! I'll get a haircut, just shut up!" I really wish my dad would get it into his thick skull that you can get a job with long hair. I know plenty of people that do it. I suppose getting frustrated at my hair getting in my face half the time might have had something to do with it. I would have liked to grow it out a bit longer, just down to my shoulders, but I'd rather not deal with the annoying nagging my dad seems to enjoy. =So, my hair's short again. Oh goody. At least I won't have to worry about it for a while. Well, beyond the daily shampooing.
So, yeah...here I am...down in San Antonio for the summer. Getting yelled at. Getting lectures. Real memorable experiences these are gonna be.
And I still need money. -_-
My parents, who work all day long and then come home late in the afternoon, are under that impression. Especially my dad, who seems to expect me to have a job just by giving me a really mean look and saying "Get a job!" He thinks I sit in my room all day playing video games. You know, that's only partly true. I do spend a good portion of the day playing video games, specifically Kingdom Hearts 2, but I am looking for a job with great effort. It's not like I can go over to Wal-mart and stand in a line where they hand out jobs like turkey sandwiches. I've applied, now I need to wait for them to call me. When I applied to Barnes & Noble, the lady at the counter says that the manager keeps them "on file" for several months and looks through them when there's a position to fill. That's the way it works at most of the companies that hire high school and college students for temporary jobs.
I am trying, dammit. Just because I'm playing video games when you get home doesn't mean I've been there all day, not doing anything that you would call "productive." You just happen to come home at the time of day that I feel like relaxing.
It's not like I have so many places to apply to that I can actually spend every hour of the day looking for work. Okay, yeah, there are also about a million scholarships I can apply for, but even then, there's only so much to do.
And perhaps I should mention that it's actually harder to do work when you're breathing down my neck like that. Why do you think I hide in my room all day when you're home? It's like the moment I walk into your range of vision, you start yelling at me or lecturing me or telling me to do something before you kick me out. There's always something you're not happy with. Give me a break, I am trying as hard as I can. -_-
You know, I'm starting to think I would've been much better off if I'd moved into an apartment up in Austin for the summer and worked my butt off up there, instead. Because then the only way I get lectured is through e-mail. It's too bad I don't have the money to do that. -_-
And to top it all off, he has, of course, been bugging me to get a haircut again. Ever since I got here. I decided today, "Fine! I'll get a haircut, just shut up!" I really wish my dad would get it into his thick skull that you can get a job with long hair. I know plenty of people that do it. I suppose getting frustrated at my hair getting in my face half the time might have had something to do with it. I would have liked to grow it out a bit longer, just down to my shoulders, but I'd rather not deal with the annoying nagging my dad seems to enjoy. =So, my hair's short again. Oh goody. At least I won't have to worry about it for a while. Well, beyond the daily shampooing.
So, yeah...here I am...down in San Antonio for the summer. Getting yelled at. Getting lectures. Real memorable experiences these are gonna be.
And I still need money. -_-
5/15/2006
Finally
Well, tomorrow night I'm heading back down to San Antonio to spend the summer with my folks. I'll probably end up working all summer long at Walgreen. Oh fun...
So I spent two hours last night packing, just turned in my textbooks today (got $106 plus change back for that), and I still haven't managed to get the paperwork for my apartment. I'll have to mail that in anyways, but if I don't get the paperwork tomorrow, that could be a problem. I plan to spend the rest of the day just relaxing, but I definitely need to have all my stuff in boxes and stuff by tomorrow night, ready for the drive back home for the summer. I can't wait to get back home to my PS2 so I can play Kingdom Hearts 2. FINALLY! I haven't had a PS2 for months, and I swear I'm going to die if I find it stolen, lost, sold, broken, or otherwise not available for use when I get home. Naturally, before my untimely death, I shall take down the whole neighborhood with me.
Oh yes, and I look forward to cuddling with my cats, but that's a given. I couldn't make them not cuddle with me without injuring them in a painful manner, and I just can't do that to my cats. I'm not a cruel master. Not to mention that the cats keep me sane. Somewhat.
I think I got a D in the one class I wanted to do well in, CS315 (Algorithms & Data Structures). Which really bites, because it means I'll have to take it again to take the other classes I'm supposed to take for a CS degree. Goddammit! >.<
I definitely need to shape up if I did that badly. I'mn willing to bet my college tuition that my other three classes were 'F's. Which is NOT GOOD. I'm screwed if my parents get a whiff of this. I'll just let them believe I got all Bs this semester and decided to drop out of the Turing Scholars Honors program because it's too fast-paced for my tastes. Hopefully they won't find evidence to the contrary and shall find my story believeable.
Of course, I still cause grave injury to to my pride and self-confidence, or what's left of them. One of the few things keeping my pride and self-confidence even existent is how I've never failed a class, ever. Now that I can no longer make that claim, I feel rather empty. If this doesn't cause me to shape up and get off my lazy ass, then nothing will, with the possible exception of being kicked out of the university. And if that happens, my life is practically over and I will be forced to make a living as a web developer and, perhaps, a 3rd-rate novel author (Hey, I've been told I have potential).
However, as long as I stay in the university and can raise my GPA, all is well. Surely I won't be so stupid as to let my grades drop like that again. Right? Right? O.o
Regardless, my plans for the summer remain the same. I'm going to find some typical young-person job, working at Wal-mart or Walgreens or HEB or Home Depot or something along those lines. I hope I get one soon, too. I need monies. Sad to say, I've applied at only Walgreens, since I can do it online, but I haven't gotten any messages back from them about openings. Please please please, you powers that be, let me get some work!
I also really need to try and get myself to go jogging on a daily basis. If I can get up at regular times during the week, like, 7 or 8 in the morning, I could go out for a morning jog before it heats up too much, then come back and shower and eat breakfast and go through my day. Perhaps late in the day I can use the weight machine to try and build up muscles on these bones. I may not be fat and ugly, persay, but I'm definitely all flab and no muscle. I also happen to lack greatly in stamina, as I discovered when jumping off a 30 foot cliff into Lake Travis, and then tiring myself out just by swimming over to the boat.
I'm looking forward to next semester in general. As it stands, I'm hoping to take my first course in Japanese, but I'm not so sure my schedule will work out quite so nicely just yet. Since I have discovered that I must retake an important course next semester, I may not be able to take JPN506. I could probably choose to put off EE316 for one more year, but I really don't want to. Of course, I could say the same of Japanese. Sure, I'm a CS major and should worry about the techy stuff first, but I'm obsessed with the idea of learning Japanese. And, really, if I cut out EE316, since that would allow me to add CS315, I won't be studying anything that's totally new to me except for Japanese. All right, I will learn some things from my CS courses, since I did fail them this semester, but Japanese will be the only subject totally new to me where I shall be learning from Day One, or whenever the actual lessons start, since Day One of classes at UT are notorious for just existing for the prof to hand out the syllabus and talk about what the class will be like and grading and stuff like that. Damn that was a long sentence. I think it may have been grammatically correct even.
Yes, that is definitely becoming more and more appealing. Forget about taking EE316 this semester, since I can pretty much take it whenever. It would be wise to take it this semester in conjunction with CS310, since they cover similar material, but it can wait. JPN506 is of more immediate concern to me. Of course this means I will have to take the follow-up course to JPN506 next Spring, and then the follow-up to that for the fall after that, so as not to chop up my study of the Japanese language too much. I just hope that doesn't interfere with any of my CS courses, since those take precedence. I think I should hide the fact that I'm retaking CS315 from my close buds. They'll make me feel stupid if they know about it.
I'll have to remember to make these changes to my registration on June 8th, when I'm allowed to access the electronic registration system again.
All that aside, I'm feeling pretty laid-back though. Talk to me some time, people.
So I spent two hours last night packing, just turned in my textbooks today (got $106 plus change back for that), and I still haven't managed to get the paperwork for my apartment. I'll have to mail that in anyways, but if I don't get the paperwork tomorrow, that could be a problem. I plan to spend the rest of the day just relaxing, but I definitely need to have all my stuff in boxes and stuff by tomorrow night, ready for the drive back home for the summer. I can't wait to get back home to my PS2 so I can play Kingdom Hearts 2. FINALLY! I haven't had a PS2 for months, and I swear I'm going to die if I find it stolen, lost, sold, broken, or otherwise not available for use when I get home. Naturally, before my untimely death, I shall take down the whole neighborhood with me.
Oh yes, and I look forward to cuddling with my cats, but that's a given. I couldn't make them not cuddle with me without injuring them in a painful manner, and I just can't do that to my cats. I'm not a cruel master. Not to mention that the cats keep me sane. Somewhat.
I think I got a D in the one class I wanted to do well in, CS315 (Algorithms & Data Structures). Which really bites, because it means I'll have to take it again to take the other classes I'm supposed to take for a CS degree. Goddammit! >.<
I definitely need to shape up if I did that badly. I'mn willing to bet my college tuition that my other three classes were 'F's. Which is NOT GOOD. I'm screwed if my parents get a whiff of this. I'll just let them believe I got all Bs this semester and decided to drop out of the Turing Scholars Honors program because it's too fast-paced for my tastes. Hopefully they won't find evidence to the contrary and shall find my story believeable.
Of course, I still cause grave injury to to my pride and self-confidence, or what's left of them. One of the few things keeping my pride and self-confidence even existent is how I've never failed a class, ever. Now that I can no longer make that claim, I feel rather empty. If this doesn't cause me to shape up and get off my lazy ass, then nothing will, with the possible exception of being kicked out of the university. And if that happens, my life is practically over and I will be forced to make a living as a web developer and, perhaps, a 3rd-rate novel author (Hey, I've been told I have potential).
However, as long as I stay in the university and can raise my GPA, all is well. Surely I won't be so stupid as to let my grades drop like that again. Right? Right? O.o
Regardless, my plans for the summer remain the same. I'm going to find some typical young-person job, working at Wal-mart or Walgreens or HEB or Home Depot or something along those lines. I hope I get one soon, too. I need monies. Sad to say, I've applied at only Walgreens, since I can do it online, but I haven't gotten any messages back from them about openings. Please please please, you powers that be, let me get some work!
I also really need to try and get myself to go jogging on a daily basis. If I can get up at regular times during the week, like, 7 or 8 in the morning, I could go out for a morning jog before it heats up too much, then come back and shower and eat breakfast and go through my day. Perhaps late in the day I can use the weight machine to try and build up muscles on these bones. I may not be fat and ugly, persay, but I'm definitely all flab and no muscle. I also happen to lack greatly in stamina, as I discovered when jumping off a 30 foot cliff into Lake Travis, and then tiring myself out just by swimming over to the boat.
I'm looking forward to next semester in general. As it stands, I'm hoping to take my first course in Japanese, but I'm not so sure my schedule will work out quite so nicely just yet. Since I have discovered that I must retake an important course next semester, I may not be able to take JPN506. I could probably choose to put off EE316 for one more year, but I really don't want to. Of course, I could say the same of Japanese. Sure, I'm a CS major and should worry about the techy stuff first, but I'm obsessed with the idea of learning Japanese. And, really, if I cut out EE316, since that would allow me to add CS315, I won't be studying anything that's totally new to me except for Japanese. All right, I will learn some things from my CS courses, since I did fail them this semester, but Japanese will be the only subject totally new to me where I shall be learning from Day One, or whenever the actual lessons start, since Day One of classes at UT are notorious for just existing for the prof to hand out the syllabus and talk about what the class will be like and grading and stuff like that. Damn that was a long sentence. I think it may have been grammatically correct even.
Yes, that is definitely becoming more and more appealing. Forget about taking EE316 this semester, since I can pretty much take it whenever. It would be wise to take it this semester in conjunction with CS310, since they cover similar material, but it can wait. JPN506 is of more immediate concern to me. Of course this means I will have to take the follow-up course to JPN506 next Spring, and then the follow-up to that for the fall after that, so as not to chop up my study of the Japanese language too much. I just hope that doesn't interfere with any of my CS courses, since those take precedence. I think I should hide the fact that I'm retaking CS315 from my close buds. They'll make me feel stupid if they know about it.
I'll have to remember to make these changes to my registration on June 8th, when I'm allowed to access the electronic registration system again.
All that aside, I'm feeling pretty laid-back though. Talk to me some time, people.
5/11/2006
Oh Crap
Well, this could turn out really really bad. I've recently discovered that I had a final not too long ago that I was supposed to take. I thought it was later! O.O
I feel like a moron now. And I know I'm going to fail that class now, which is very bad. Okay, sure, I was planning on retaking the regulars version of the course next semester anyway, but getting an F is simply not good for my GPA.
Why am I such a retard? -_-
I need to get off my lazy ass and shape up. Not just with exercise, but by working harder at my classes, saving up money with a part-time job, applying for more scholarships, not spending money on video games...all that important stuff.
Which reminds me: if I don't do something about that apartment, I don't have anywhere to live next semester. This guy says he needs a roomy, and I showed interest. Dammit...
Why am I so lazy? -_-
I feel like a moron now. And I know I'm going to fail that class now, which is very bad. Okay, sure, I was planning on retaking the regulars version of the course next semester anyway, but getting an F is simply not good for my GPA.
Why am I such a retard? -_-
I need to get off my lazy ass and shape up. Not just with exercise, but by working harder at my classes, saving up money with a part-time job, applying for more scholarships, not spending money on video games...all that important stuff.
Which reminds me: if I don't do something about that apartment, I don't have anywhere to live next semester. This guy says he needs a roomy, and I showed interest. Dammit...
Why am I so lazy? -_-
5/08/2006
A 'Fierce' Year
Last night I went to a fun pool party with the other officers of the ACM. w00t!
The old pres is graduating, so the new pres got him a cake. You know those cakes you can put a person's picture on? Well, ya see, there was this one time a bunch of the old pres' friends had him dress like a girl and put on make-up...and he does a "sexy" snarl...
I think you see where this is going. In frosting on the cake was written "Thanks for a fierce year." XD
Ya know? It definitely was a fierce year. I met a lot of people, made some friends, improved on my SC3 and SSBM skills, dived off a 30 foot cliff...it was all a lot of fun. I probably don't even remember half of it, but I know I enjoyed all of it.
But reminiscing aside, I had a blast at the party. Grilled turkey dogs and hamburgers. Talking about computer science topics, (Oh, how fun that was *rolls eyes*). Throwing the frisbee and having somebody dive into the pool while catching it. Too bad it was such a small pool. Eating cake. Talking about apartment details with future room mate. Talking about technophiles.
I think another person that's graduating is considered the gaming master of the officers. Now that he's gone, I'm the best! Huzzah! But I'll still miss the guy. It was always fun playing him in SC3 because we were on pretty equal footing. Well, at least with my Cervantes against his Siegfried/Nightmare. I can't say the same about SSBM though. I'd always get my ass handed to me by him...and he was Ganondorf, with me being Sheik. Just shows ya how reckless my fighting style is. I was hoping I'd be able to get to the point where he and I were equal in SSBM, but...oh well. There are others against which to test and hone my skills, though they're currently non-ACM members.
Oh, here's a photo of the cake. I think she was being generous when she didn't use the photo that showed him wearing the way too small red dress.
The old pres is graduating, so the new pres got him a cake. You know those cakes you can put a person's picture on? Well, ya see, there was this one time a bunch of the old pres' friends had him dress like a girl and put on make-up...and he does a "sexy" snarl...
I think you see where this is going. In frosting on the cake was written "Thanks for a fierce year." XD
Ya know? It definitely was a fierce year. I met a lot of people, made some friends, improved on my SC3 and SSBM skills, dived off a 30 foot cliff...it was all a lot of fun. I probably don't even remember half of it, but I know I enjoyed all of it.
But reminiscing aside, I had a blast at the party. Grilled turkey dogs and hamburgers. Talking about computer science topics, (Oh, how fun that was *rolls eyes*). Throwing the frisbee and having somebody dive into the pool while catching it. Too bad it was such a small pool. Eating cake. Talking about apartment details with future room mate. Talking about technophiles.
I think another person that's graduating is considered the gaming master of the officers. Now that he's gone, I'm the best! Huzzah! But I'll still miss the guy. It was always fun playing him in SC3 because we were on pretty equal footing. Well, at least with my Cervantes against his Siegfried/Nightmare. I can't say the same about SSBM though. I'd always get my ass handed to me by him...and he was Ganondorf, with me being Sheik. Just shows ya how reckless my fighting style is. I was hoping I'd be able to get to the point where he and I were equal in SSBM, but...oh well. There are others against which to test and hone my skills, though they're currently non-ACM members.
Oh, here's a photo of the cake. I think she was being generous when she didn't use the photo that showed him wearing the way too small red dress.
5/06/2006
Note
For those not keeping track, I've posted a new poem in my Miscellaneous Writings and finally decided to put up Chapter 1 of the ENDO Saga.
I'm sorry if I'm too slow for your tastes, but deal with it.
I'm sorry if I'm too slow for your tastes, but deal with it.
Almost Done
Wow, apparently, I saved this as a draft and never posted it. Oops. This was supposed to be posted last Saturday. ^.^;
Yesterday was the last day of classes. Not like I ever went to them anyways. I really am regretting that. I've got a small number of finals, but really spread out. The last one is on the 15th. I plan to go home that night, so I can get down to my cats and the PS2. I've got a lot of PS2 games to play for the summer.
I should be getting some work at Walgreens. Not glamorous, but ya gotta start somewhere. I do wish I'd gotten an internship with Microsoft, though. I could've spent summer in Seattle then, though it would've meant not being able to see my cats or play my PS2. Maybe next year. I'll know more about programming by then, I hope.
I currently plan to work my ass off saving money, not just from Walgreens if they accept my application, but also a soccer referee on the weekends. Though I don't want to overwork myself. I hope I get a bunch of scholarships. Loans and personal savings will not cut it.
I'm going to make myself go jogging through my neighborhood on a daily basis no matter what kind of mood I'm in. I really must try to get in shape, even if I only have a little bit of fluff. I'm tired of worrying about my appearance when going to a pool party or something.
Maybe over the summer, I'll take the time to finally start up my own web site, since I recently 'acquired' Dreamweaver MX. I'll just post stuff like my fiction works and my poems and stuff on there. Post up fanart, if my writing ever gets that popular. Maybe photos of stuff if I get a digital camera. If I take the time to teach myself PHP, CSS, more Javascript and all that good stuff over the summer, I might be able to start up my own forum board like I've been wanting to do for a while, also. We'll see, though, because I've already got a lot on my plate.
I should go do my laundry now. I've been needing to do my laundry for a week. Message me some time, folks. ^.^
Yesterday was the last day of classes. Not like I ever went to them anyways. I really am regretting that. I've got a small number of finals, but really spread out. The last one is on the 15th. I plan to go home that night, so I can get down to my cats and the PS2. I've got a lot of PS2 games to play for the summer.
I should be getting some work at Walgreens. Not glamorous, but ya gotta start somewhere. I do wish I'd gotten an internship with Microsoft, though. I could've spent summer in Seattle then, though it would've meant not being able to see my cats or play my PS2. Maybe next year. I'll know more about programming by then, I hope.
I currently plan to work my ass off saving money, not just from Walgreens if they accept my application, but also a soccer referee on the weekends. Though I don't want to overwork myself. I hope I get a bunch of scholarships. Loans and personal savings will not cut it.
I'm going to make myself go jogging through my neighborhood on a daily basis no matter what kind of mood I'm in. I really must try to get in shape, even if I only have a little bit of fluff. I'm tired of worrying about my appearance when going to a pool party or something.
Maybe over the summer, I'll take the time to finally start up my own web site, since I recently 'acquired' Dreamweaver MX. I'll just post stuff like my fiction works and my poems and stuff on there. Post up fanart, if my writing ever gets that popular. Maybe photos of stuff if I get a digital camera. If I take the time to teach myself PHP, CSS, more Javascript and all that good stuff over the summer, I might be able to start up my own forum board like I've been wanting to do for a while, also. We'll see, though, because I've already got a lot on my plate.
I should go do my laundry now. I've been needing to do my laundry for a week. Message me some time, folks. ^.^
5/05/2006
Wish I'd Come Here Sooner
I one day got bored and decided to make an online blog to see what all the fuss was about. Guess where I went first? Myspace, sadly. Ugh. I've used it for about a week, and loathe it already. Some people on it are cool, but the system doesn't work very well. Besides, they limit how much you can post in one blog! One of the few things I liked was how you could specify your mood and had such a wide range of choices. If there's nothing like that here, I'll probably come up with a way to do that on my own without too much effort.
Fortunately, one of my first friends there, I discovered, has a blog here. I don't remember the link, but I'll probably pull it from Myspace eventually.
Blogger better not do that here. I'm going to be posting long pieces of my own writing here...and I won't be happy if it doesn't go through.
I'll work on a custom template when I'm feeling less lazy. Then maybe I'll get around to posting some of my writings up. Not too much at once, though.
Eventually I'll get off my lazy arse and get my own web site up for posting writings. Something decent-looking, not like all the home-made crap you see everywhere, with garish images in the background, characters floating across the page, music blasting in your ear, most of the test blinking multiple colors...you get the idea.
It's been a while since I did any HTML, though, and I've never actually published my own web site, either. Maybe I'll find some free service that I can use that lets you do whatever you want with the appearance of your site, with only a few ads.
Fortunately, one of my first friends there, I discovered, has a blog here. I don't remember the link, but I'll probably pull it from Myspace eventually.
Blogger better not do that here. I'm going to be posting long pieces of my own writing here...and I won't be happy if it doesn't go through.
I'll work on a custom template when I'm feeling less lazy. Then maybe I'll get around to posting some of my writings up. Not too much at once, though.
Eventually I'll get off my lazy arse and get my own web site up for posting writings. Something decent-looking, not like all the home-made crap you see everywhere, with garish images in the background, characters floating across the page, music blasting in your ear, most of the test blinking multiple colors...you get the idea.
It's been a while since I did any HTML, though, and I've never actually published my own web site, either. Maybe I'll find some free service that I can use that lets you do whatever you want with the appearance of your site, with only a few ads.
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